Beyond this season are times when we think of someone or see families doing day to day shopping or laughing together and realize how rare those opportunities may be for some of us. Being aware of what is going on around us gives us the opportunity to do kindnesses for others that we would do for our own family members if we could. I refer to these opportunities as doing something in the name of the person I remember. For example, my mother lives in a retirement community in another state. She uses senior transportation. When I see seniors in my own community and when shopping, I think of her and may have a chance to do something for one of them that I wish I could do for her. One day after having my hair cut and waiting to pay the cashier, I overheard an upset elderly woman say that the taxi she had called still had not arrived and that she needed to get home for her noon meal. I asked where she lived and decided to offer to take this lady home and she accepted. If Mom was in similar circumstances I would hope that someone would help her, too. While this may sound like a random act of kindness, to me it is an expression of gratitude.

When we think of the holiday season, we find that wonderful expressions of goodwill abound. Paying attention to what is going on around us is the key to being aware of opportunities like the one described which, by the way, happened during the summer months. When it is our time to do something positive we can know it instinctively if we are listening for that small voice of intuition or that tap on the shoulder by an unseen hand which are insight and awareness. These as well as a willingness to be part of a small solution for one person make all the difference. The best part of extending ourselves to each other is that we receive intangibly as much or more as we may give.

Have a great day and be good to yourself and those you encounter. You all deserve it.

Gail

©2011 Gail Pursell Elliott All rights reserved. Gail Pursell Elliott, “The Dignity and Respect Lady”, has over 20 years experience in middle and upper management, founded Innovations Training in 1998, and is author of several books including School Mobbing and Emotional Abuse and co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. Her weekly Food for Thought is read by people around the world. Gail trains employees for corporations, associations and universities, designs sessions upon request to address specific needs and timely issues, and is a featured speaker at conferences as well as a media expert on workplace and school violence. Gail has been a guest on such programs as MSNBC’s Deborah Norville Tonight, ABC World News NOW television programs and the Workplace Violence Today program on talk radio.

As I think about the spirit and sentiment of Veterans Day, I am reminded of John Milton’s quote, “They also serve who only stand and wait.” There are so many of us who are standing and waiting for our servicemen and women, but this does not imply a state of inertia. While standing and waiting we are sending our loving energy to them along with our gratitude for their service to all of us.

I think of those who stand and wait in line to donate blood. I think of those who stand and wait without distraction, alert to the needs of others. Sometimes it is not possible for us to take action and this can be frustrating to us. Yet the times during which we must stand and wait are the times when we develop new skills in patience, perseverance and faith. These are times of reflection during which we can review our gratitude list and add to it on a daily basis.

Friday is Veterans Day. It is fitting that this observance is in November, the month in which we also have Thanksgiving. The whole month can be dedicated to gratitude. If we practice gratitude on a daily basis over the course of one month, looking for opportunities to express appreciation, it might become a habit that will extend throughout the year.

My love and heartfelt thanks to those in my familly who serve and have served in the military: my son-in-law, my niece, my father and grandfather. To all those men and women known and unknown, the sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, parents, grandparents and spouses for whom my heart is glad and grateful who serve now, who have served in the past, and to those who stand and wait, I extend my deep gratitude, dignity and respect.

Anticipate a great day. It’s YOURS!

Gail
——————————————————————————-©2009 Gail Pursell Elliott All rights reserved. Gail Pursell Elliott, “The Dignity and Respect Lady”, has over 20 years experience in middle and upper management, founded Innovations Training in 1998, and is author of several books including School Mobbing and Emotional Abuse and co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. Her weekly Food for Thought is read by people around the world. Gail trains employees for corporations, associations and universities, designs sessions upon request to address specific needs and timely issues, and is a featured speaker at conferences as well as a sought after media expert on workplace and school violence. Gail has been a guest on such programs as MSNBC’s Deborah Norville Tonight, ABC World News NOW television programs and the Workplace Violence Today program on talk radio.
——————————————————————————-Remember to register for Thursday’s program:
Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the Workplace
What it is. How it happens. What you can do.

Teleconference/Webinar November 10
1 – 2 pm Central Time
Cost: $125 per site
Register online
www.innovations-training.com

Can’t attend? Contact me to schedule a teleconference or webinar tailored to the needs of your group.

Gail Pursell Elliott, The Dignity and Respect Lady
Mobbing, Bullying and Harassment Expert
Professional Development Consultant
Innovations “Training With a Can-Do Attitude”
www.innovations-training.com

“To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight – and never stop fighting.” – e.e. cummings

When I was an adolescent, I often enjoyed staying up late on a weekend night to watch old scary movies starring such great actors as Vincent Price. Often these movies featured an old house or castle that the main characters entered with trepidation. A good thunderstorm in the middle of the night or a full moon enhanced that spine tingling atmosphere.

Some of us enjoy paranormal stories or programs about haunted places. One point that is frequently made is that a dwelling place or area may retain some of the energy generated by events that occurred there, whether positive or negative. This may result in what might seem like a haunting without an actual ghost being present. Although I am far from being an expert on this subject, I do know that such phenomena are reported to be from past situations, events, and people. It also has been conjectured that some ghosts might be people who are unaware that they have made a transition from one form of existence to another. Some of the recommendations to those who live in a place that is reportedly haunted include encouraging ghosts to go to the light.

Regardless of our interest and whether or not we even believe in ghosts, many of us actually live in a haunted dwelling. This dwelling is our own self. The energy generated from past experiences can haunt us in the present. The ghosts that haunt our inner dwelling from time to time are from past situations, unresolved issues, or memories of other disturbing events. Buried feelings of guilt, fear, uncertainty, doubt, sadness, disappointment, betrayal or some event that may have left us feeling powerless may summon them. They can appear to us like our own scary movie as we relive the images and feelings that they evoke.

If we are watching a movie at home that is too disturbing we have the option of picking up the remote control and switching to another channel. If we are in a theatre we have the option of leaving or we can turn our heads away or close our eyes if the scenes presented are more than we can handle. What we may not realize is that we have the power to do the same with our own scary movies. When watching a movie at no time do we think that we deserve to be punished by watching it. We know that it has nothing to do with us personally. When confronting our own disturbing images or ghosts we may feel compelled to watch because they are our own. Although at times they may seem to appear out of nowhere and may follow us around like shadows, they are echoes from a past that no longer exists yet endeavors to encroach upon the present. When dealing with the ghosts of our own past decisions or events in our lives, we can tell them to go home to the past where they belong, that they have no place in the present moment.

We also can direct them to the light of insight and awareness. In this light, we can see them for what they are: shadows without substance that have no power to impact the present, unless we give them that power.

Have a great day and be good to yourself and those you encounter. You all deserve it!
Gail

Gail Pursell Elliott, “The Dignity and Respect Lady”, has over 20 years experience in middle and upper management, founded Innovations Training in 1998, and is author of several books including School Mobbing and Emotional Abuse and co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. Her weekly Food for Thought is read by people around the world. Gail trains employees for corporations, associations and universities, designs sessions upon request to address specific needs and timely issues, and is a featured speaker at conferences as well as a sought after media expert on workplace and school violence. Gail has been a guest on such programs as MSNBC’s Deborah Norville Tonight, ABC World News NOW television programs and the Workplace Violence Today program on talk radio.

“All people want and have the right to be treated with Dignity and Respect, No Exceptions.”
If you like that statement, you’ll like my approach to Speaking, Training, and Consulting.
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Call or email today to schedule Training, a Presentation, or for Consulting for your Business, School or Community.

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Gail Pursell Elliott, The Dignity and Respect Lady
Mobbing, Bullying and Harassment Expert
Professional Development Consultant
Innovations “Training With a Can-Do Attitude”
PO Box 552, Roland, IA 50236
www.innovations-training.com

“To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight – and never stop fighting.” – e.e. cummings

One day I was feeling pretty down and mentioned it when I got to work. One of my coworkers said kindly, you’re among friends now, which was just what I needed. Often when we feel down we also feel alone, sad, that no one really understands or cares. Being told sincerely that we are among friends is a form of validation that works in a powerful way.

What this means is that we have someone who listens and doesn’t judge us. We have someone who is on our side, who reminds us of our good qualities and explains our dilemmas to us in ways that remind us of our humanity. Good friends convey that they understand us, sometimes better than we understand ourselves. We all have a tendency to be our own worst critics and to demand more of ourselves than we do of others. When we have harshly judged ourselves the last thing we need is to have someone else reinforce that judgment. Friends give us the benefit of the doubt and remind us that it is ok to be human. Friends see the inner beauty in us that we lose sight of and point it out.

We don’t have to know someone well to be a true friend. We can be a friend to anyone who needs that kind of validation by looking for things to appreciate and sharing our observation. We can validate a coworker by simply letting them know that it is good to see him or her. Expressing appreciation does not have to be intrusive but comes from our own sense of awareness of the positives we see in others and around us. When we look for opportunities to help someone in even a small way we affirm not only their value but also our own. I believe that we all are here to learn how to take care of each other; it is one reason for our occupying space on the planet.

Have a great day and be good to yourself and those you encounter. You all deserve it!
Gail

——————————————————————————–
Gail Pursell Elliott, “The Dignity and Respect Lady”, has over 20 years experience in middle and upper management, founded Innovations Training in 1998, and is author of several books including School Mobbing and Emotional Abuse and co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. Her weekly Food for Thought is read by people around the world. Gail trains employees for corporations, associations and universities, designs sessions upon request to address specific needs and timely issues, and is a featured speaker at conferences as well as a sought after media expert on workplace and school violence. Gail has been a guest on such programs as MSNBC’s Deborah Norville Tonight, ABC World News NOW television programs and the Workplace Violence Today program on talk radio.

Putting ourselves knowingly in risky situations without purpose is not courage but foolishness. Some take risks for excitement. That is not courage. Courage is acting beyond self-interest. The media broadcast stories of extreme courage that stir us. Our lives are full of little stories and opportunities to act with courage. Here is one example.

A high school freshman noticed a boy she knew enter the crowded lunchroom. The only place to sit was with a group of upperclassmen. They began teasing him while he was trying to eat. The discomfort on his face disturbed her. The freshman got up to leave and go back to class. She could have turned and walked the other way but her empathy triggered compassion and that stopped her. Instead she walked toward the table where the boy was being teased. She smiled and called him by name and chatted with him. Then she turned and looked at the others at the table.

“Is something wrong here?” she asked. The others replied that they were just teasing the boy. The freshman replied, “He deserves to be treated with respect.”

“I was scared,” she said later. “I knew when I walked over there that I was taking a big chance. They were upperclassmen and the cool kids and I’m just a freshman. I knew it could come back on me if I spoke up. But I just couldn’t walk away, pretend I didn’t see it and do nothing.”

There is a quote that has been attributed to a number of authors. It reads as follows: “That best portion of a good man’s life are his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.” Often those acts involve courage. On the surface courage may take the form of a selfless act, but it is a powerful gift that we give ourselves. When we act with courage as a choice consistently, it becomes a conditioned response. And something else happens as a result of that courage. We become free to become the embodiment of our values and more fully express what we ! know to be true. Courage is an exercise in dignity and respect that amplifies those qualities within us.

Anticipate a great day. It’s YOURS!
Gail
——————————————————————————-©2011 Gail Pursell Elliott All rights reserved. Food for Thought is part of the Dignity and Respect message that is Innovations. If you enjoyed this Food For Thought message, please share it with people you know. Honor the copyright and forward this email in its entirety. Reprinting in a newsletter or publication, to use in your classroom, or to reproduce on your website requires permission.
——————————————————————————-School Mobbing and Emotional Abuse: See It Stop It Prevent It with Dignity and Respect by Gail Pursell Elliott
Publisher: Brunner-Routledge ISBN 0 415 94551 8

http://www.taylorandfrancis.com/books/details/9780415945516/

This accessible and easy to use book has down to earth, real examples of what you can do to incorporate dignity and respect principles into your school, family and community. You will find the common sense approach and conversational tone of this book refreshing. Part 2 of the book is a collection of Food for Thought essays that can be used as a springboard for thoughtful discussion in the classroom, at home, or in other environments.
——————————————————————————-View the Table of Contents, Sample Chapter, Book Review

http://www.innovations-training.com/schoolprograms.html

Author interview with ABC – good overview of the concepts

http://www.innovations-training.com/videos/WNNOW.wmv

**Special Rates! Ask me about a cost-effective package that includes an all school assembly program and an evening program for parents and the community.

To learn more about Mobbing and the Dignity and Respect approach in schools, workplaces, and other environments, contact:

Gail Pursell Elliott, The Dignity and Respect Lady
Mobbing, Bullying and Harassment Expert
Professional Development Consultant
Innovations “Training With a Can-Do Attitude”
PO Box 552, Roland, IA 50236
515-231-8828
www.innovations-training.com

“To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight – and never stop fighting.” – e.e. cummings

One of my all time favorite movies is “The Gods Must Be Crazy.” During one segment of the story, the main character is traveling a rolling dirt road and encounters fence-like gates blocking the way. He has to stop his vehicle, get out, open the gate, drive through, stop again, and then close the gate before continuing on. To complicate matters, the vehicle’s engine has to keep running or it can’t be started again and the hand brake doesn’t work. At one point he miscalculates and stops about six inches too close to the gate and it can’t clear the vehicle when he tries to open it. At another, he has to abandon the gate and run to rev up the engine so it doesn’t stall. At still another, the vehicle is on an incline and begins to roll backward and he has to run and find a rock to block the wheel. In each case he meets frustration with ingenuity and persistence. After many more mishaps, including falling flat on his face in a muddy stream while trying to push the vehicle which became stuck in the mud while fording it, he finally reaches his destination.

We all have had days that seem to go that way. Yet, sometimes obstacles that seem to tax our resourcefulness or patience wind up being more illusion than reality. When this happens, not only do we waste time and energy, we also can wind up feeling pretty silly at our misinterpretation. Several years ago I was heading down one of the many gravel roads in Iowa. It was a beautiful October morning. The fields were pure gold in the sunlight and the air was clear and fresh. There is something different about the autumn light that casts longer shadows and creates striking contrasts. It was both breathtaking and mesmerizing. The road was not new to me, I’ve traveled it many times. It is a rolling two-lane road, with several one-lane bridges across small streams between the farms. This particular morning, however, I noticed something new as I approached one of the bridges. It looked like a gate was partially blocking the road ahead. It reminded me immediately of the preceding story and I began to adjust my speed, wondering if I would be able to drive around the gate without stopping my car or if I would have to stop and move it to continue on.

I wondered if the gate was new or if I’d just never noticed it before. The bridge I was approaching was old, with metal latticework that rose up on either side to keep vehicles from sliding off into the stream. It was perplexing to think that someone had placed this gate in what had always been a clear path. As I got closer to the bridge I suddenly realized that there was no gate at all. What I was seeing was the long shadow of the side of the bridge cast across the road by the brilliant morning sun. The gate was simply an illusion created by my own interpretation of what I was seeing, based on previous information that I had in a mental file.

Each situation we encounter is a fresh and new experience. But we always look for points of reference to help us interpret what we are encountering. We draw conclusions from those points of reference and proceed on the basis of those conclusions. Often we don’t look closely enough to really interpret correctly. We create illusions. Sometimes we base important decisions on such illusions. A friend once said that doing this was making a decision “based on nothing.”

Sometimes quick, reactive decisions are important for our survival. But more often we have the time to look again beyond our first impression, past the initial points of reference, and see people and situations in the light of truth. When we take the time to do this, we often find that our path is clearer than we first thought it was and our encounters become more meaningful and fulfilling. Looking again, re-specting people and situations continually, creates new points of reference, deepens our insight, and expands our awareness.

Anticipate a great day. It’s YOURS!
Gail

Today’s article is included in Part 2 of School Mobbing and Emotional Abuse: See It Stop It Prevent It with Dignity and Respect. Part 2 includes Food for Thought essays for discussion to promote insight and awareness.

The book can be ordered directly from the publisher

http://www.taylorandfrancis.com/books/details/9780415945516/

Several decades ago, there were idealistic souls, like me, who wanted to “wade waist deep into humanity” and make a difference. What these passionate young people did not realize was that they would wind up doing it without their waders on and that wading waist deep into anything, especially humanity, can be a slow, frustrating and sometimes messy business. In addition, the events of our own lives became both distracting and took up our time and energy. They narrowed our vision and we sometimes forgot who we were and what we dreamed of doing or being.

At this point, some of us need a swift kick in our complacency. How much do we have to see, shake our heads over, turn off or ignore before we’re forced to take a stand for what we believe to be true by circumstances beyond our control? The truth is that all of us belong to each other. We are inextricably connected by our humanity, our residence on this beautiful planet, and our ultimate responsibility for our own attitudes, words and actions. It takes a bit of thought and paying attention to what is going on around us, then measuring our responses with a smile and a kind word, noticing good things, complimenting rather than criticizing, looking for something to celebrate rather than bemoan.

These simple actions may not be the great, world changing plans that we had long ago, but they change the world more than we can possibly imagine, one interaction and person at a time.

Have a great day and be good to yourself and to those you encounter. We all deserve it!

Gail
——————————————————————————–
Gail Pursell Elliott, “The Dignity and Respect Lady”, has over 20 years experience in middle and upper management, founded Innovations Training in 1998, and is author of several books including School Mobbing and Emotional Abuse and co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. Her weekly Food for Thought is read by people around the world. Gail trains employees for corporations, associations and universities, designs sessions upon request to address specific needs and timely i! ssues, and is a featured speaker at ! conferences as well as a sought after media expert on workplace and school violence. Gail has been a guest on such programs as MSNBC’s Deborah Norville Tonight, ABC World News NOW television programs and the Workplace Violence Today program on talk radio.

Treating each other and ourselves with dignity means that we define ourselves positively within and allow others to define themselves that way also. Respect means that we look past the first impression or stereotypical reaction to see and acknowledge that definition of dignity.

Most of us choose to believe that we are good human beings. If we believe this then we must act like we believe it. When we allow situations to influence our actions toward others, we violate our own sense of personal dignity and violate others as well. How we treat others is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves at that moment.

Taking a few moments to become aware of this sense of identity sets the tone for our personal integrity. Most people think of integrity as being of sound moral character. There is another definition however – that is the state of being whole and undiminished.

So here is another readiness exercise for school, work, or the simple act of daily living. To define ourselves positively, look beyond appearances to acknowledge that definition in others, and ourselves and hold on to that vision, keeping it whole and undiminished. When we do this, we will be treating ourselves with dignity, respect, and integrity. If we are true to ourselves we cannot help but treat others in this way also. When we define ourselves we define our world. And this may be where healing begins. It is Food For Thought.

Have a Great Day and be good to yourself and those you encounter. You all deserve it.
Gail

——————————————————————————–
Today’s Food for Thought is excerpted from the book School Mobbing and Emotional Abuse: See It – Stop It – Prevent It with Dignity and Respect. Copyright 2003 Gail Pursell Elliott

The world has changed so very much
From what it used to be
There is so much hatred,
War, and poverty”

The above are some lyrics from a song that was nominated for a Grammy Award almost 30 years ago. The singing group was Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, who hailed from my hometown of Philadelphia, PA.

Some people thought the song was insipid. Others took it as a battle cry to make the world a better place. The song pointed out that we couldn’t do it alone, that everyone was needed regardless of race or creed.

The concept of waking up is often an admonishment to see things as someone else does, such as the expression, “Wake up and smell the coffee.” But there is more to it than that. Each of us has an interpretation of what waking up really means.

When we wake up in the morning, sometimes we feel groggy for a few minutes, but then realize where we are and what we are about. We can become acutely aware of the present moment and our true identity, unless we allow ourselves to be distracted by other thoughts.

On his deathbed the Buddha said that he was “waking up.” Walt Whitman wrote, “I must not be awake for everything looks new as it never did before. Or I must now be awake and everything I saw before has been a dream.”

Some may think that the world we live in has a nightmarish quality to it and long to wake up from what seems to be a bad dream. Some whose lives are going very well might say, “Pinch me. I want to make sure I’m not dreaming.” Others of us have spoken of dreams that we have that we wish to realize in our lives or may describe a situation or relationship as “a dream come true.” When we truly wake up our dreams can become reality. Everything looks new not because it has changed, but because we have changed. When we change our perspective we change what we see as reality and choose a different relationship to it.

What would you like to wake up to today? If it is a greater awareness of your connection to all that is beautiful and positive, then hold that thought in your mind and heart and connect yourself to what is beautiful and positive within you. Stop taking negatives personally. They have nothing to do with your true self.

Get in touch with the reality that you are created with intent and have purpose. Wake up to the realization that you have more power than you can possibly imagine to make a difference right where you are.
This very moment, you are where you are supposed to be to make that difference.

Let go of backward thinking. Let go of the dream that is the past and awaken to the present moment and the great gift that it holds. Wake up to the awareness of the great gift that is you. The greatest gift that you can give the world is your awakened self.

Anticipate a great day. It’s YOURS!

Gail

©2011 Gail Pursell Elliott All rights reserved.
Food For Thought is part of the Dignity and Respect message that is Innovations and is the intellectual property of Gail Pursell Elliott. If you enjoyed this Food For Thought message, please share it with people you know. Reprinting or re-distribution in any form for commercial use, including reproducing or displaying on your website, requires permission. Contact Gail for permissions and rates.

It would be helpful if we had hate advisories just as we have heat advisories so that precautions could be taken there as well. We may immediately think externally of attitudes and actions of people who believe themselves to be superior to others or who have different beliefs, of those who isolate, exclude, ridicule, or bully others in school or workplaces or elsewhere. We may think of the appalling acts of violence reported in the media. What might not be so obvious, though, are the internal hate advisories that warn us about our own attitudes and actions towards others.

Hatred is a negative force that contaminates the positive potential of the present moment. Although we can certainly hurt others with hateful thoughts, words, and actions, we are the ones who are hurt the most. Hatred is very insidious and may creep into our lives by holding onto past situations. It can cloud our awareness and block our ability to be insightful. It damages our own sense of dignity and respect. The best precaution we can take when we sense a hate advisory is to reconnect ourselves with the truth within us and let our words and actions be a reflection of that rather than reacting to people and situations.

People who operate from a basis of love will look for other things to love. People who operate from a basis of hatred will look for other things to hate or resent regardless of what it does to them or others. It becomes the basis of their interactions in more than just one type of situation.

The following Native American metaphor describes this process well -

A grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt.
He said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart.
One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one.
The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.”
The grandson asked him,
“Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?”
The grandfather answered, “The one I feed.”

Anticipate a great day. It’s YOURS!

Gail

©2011 Gail Pursell Elliott All Rights Reserved. Food For Thought is part of the Dignity and Respect mission of Innovations Training and is the intellectual property of Gail Pursell Elliott.